My Aunt Brenda and Uncle David are celebrating their 30^th (!!!) wedding anniversary this month. 30 years! They are an amazing example that true love and soul mates really do exist and are a real inspiration to me. After all this time, they are quite delirious about each other and still manage to embarrass their kids with loving displays of affection. Hooray for them! As their one-time flower girl, who was christened ‘Lampshade’ at the ceremony for my fantastic pink meringue-dress that I picked out myself, I wish them a very happy and beautiful anniversary. In their honour, here’s a list of my favourite onscreen couples from film and television:

Mr. Grey and Lee Holloway – Secretary – My Dad used to say; “For every old sock, there’s an old shoe”, meaning that there’s someone for everyone. Or, as an old friend said to me at a college party where we hid behind curtains in order to leap out and ’scare’ people; “I need to find a ‘curtain-er’ of my own”. There’s a shoe or curtain-er for all types. Lee finds hers in Mr. Grey. There’s something romantic and balanced in this unconventional relationship. He’s the S to her M. That he puts so much thought into her ‘punishments’ thrills her, particularly when her family treats her like a fragile piece of glass. Expressing affection can be tough, so when you find a way that works and someone willing to bring that out in you, no matter how weird to outsiders, you should fight for that. Even if it means relieving yourself at a desk and sitting there for 2 days straight in a wedding dress.

Marge and Norm Gunderson – Fargo: Marge married Norm ‘Son of a’ Gunderson and while there’s murders, stolen cars and Mike Yanagita afoot, she still makes time to hear all about the painting he’s going to enter for a stamp competition and he always gets up to make her breakfast. It’s not sexy, it’s not ‘hot’ but it’s true love – it’s a marriage. When everything has been solved and the bad people have gone to jail, Marge comforts Norm, who’s upset about his 3rd place in the contest and that his painting will only appear on the 3 cent stamp (”People always need the little stamps when the postage gets raised, Hon”) and they get back to what’s important; waiting for their baby to be born. They’re content with their lot and represent the happy ending that none of the other characters will find.

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“I’ll ask you just one more time…Where the hell is the damn PTA meeting at?!?”

Instead of an introduction like I normally do, I’m going to give Paul and Storm the honours. Take it away, boys -

Peg Boggs – Edward Scissorhands – This lovely, adorable suburban Mum/Avon Lady is frightened at first when she happens upon Edward but her terror at his appearance quickly turns to concern, then the maternal care kicks in. She’s the one who really takes the time and effort to get to know Edward and is rewarded with unconditional faithfulness from him in return. I never completely bought the love story between Kim and Edward but the bond between him and Peg seemed to sprout faster then the woman could grow her hair for him to cut. I mean, by the end of the movie, she’s practically bald.

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"Can you get the ladeez knickers off like *that*, He-Man? Yeah, that's what I thought".

The Sidekick – Our heroes and villians would be nothing without them. Sometimes, they’re the ones we really tune in for; to see what they’ll get up to, cos they can often be more fun. Here are ten that have seared themselves into the collective pop-culture conciousness:

Baldrick – Blackadder – As Blackadder grew smarter with every incarnation, Baldrick got thicker. But Baldrick had his moments – he thought if he wrote his own name on a bullet during wartime that he wouldn’t get shot, cos he’d have the bullet with his name on it. Makes sense, really. So he threw the first dictionary in a fire; who can say they wouldn’t have done the same, given the situation? And, fair enough, he rumbled Blackadder’s plan to marry the cuckoo Queen Elizabeth. Perhaps he meant well? Say what you’d like about his stupidity but I’d bet money that ‘Baldrick’s’ grand-daughter ain’t sleeping with Russell Brand.

DJ ‘Jazzy’ Jeff – The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air – A testament to never leaving behind the folks that made you what you are, Will Smith brought Jazz, part and parcel, onto his network show. And in return, Jazz made it funnier, more heartfelt and funky. In love with Hilary, constantly being thrown out by Mr. Banks but always ‘workin’ it’ in his Cross Colours gear, Jazz was the ‘Philly Element’ in the Prince’s  new ‘Bel-Air Lifestyle’. Doncha forget, home-fry.  

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Got Brass In Pocket

These girls don’t really ‘kick ass and take names’. They don’t have semi-automatic weapons or special powers. They’re regular chicks who overcome extreme obstacles in creative, interesting ways and for that, I salute them. In random order:

Chris Parker – ‘Adventures in Babysitting’ – After her boyfriend cancels on her, Chris decides to make the best of it and earn some easy money babysitting. Mistake! When she and the suburban kids head into the city to rescue Chris’ friend, they get shot at, car jacked, kidnapped, escape, sing the blues in a club and are involved in a gang altercation on a train. Oh and she finds out her no-good boyfriend is cheating on her with some slut that belongs in a ‘Prince’ video. But she comes through with aplomb, keeping her charges safe and gracefully fending off the clumsy advances of the two teenage boys in her care. The parents don’t find out about their little ‘trip’ so she still gets paid. What a gal.

(Legendary Screamin’ Jay Hawkins joins in as – what else – a blues man.)

Coach Molly McGrath – ‘Wildcats’ – The South Central High Wildcats may be the worst football team in Chicago but they REALLY do not want a female coach. So, of course, that’s exactly what they get in Coach McGrath. They torment her until she reaches breaking point and challenges them to a stamina running contest – their co-operation vs. her quitting. Failing to inform them that she ran the Boston Marathon, twice, she outlasts them all and then calls them pussies. They cannot argue with this.

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