There’s this ‘25 Random Things About Me’ thing that’s going round. Despite much prodding, I’m not going to do that but I’m doing this instead, cos I’m a cranky cow.

Here are the songs I want played at my funeral.

I’m not suicidal or anything. Listen, your funeral is the last party you are ever going to throw and it’s the one where no-one lets you pick the tunes. Well fuck that; I want my own songs, not these hymns about Jesus and stuff. Hey Jesus, you had your chance; you died (rather spectacularly, I might add) and then rose again so if you didn’t like the songs, it’s yer own fault. I don’t want people wailing on about you at MY going away bash… Hang on, there’s a knock on the door…

Oh, hi Jesus! How’s it going, man?…. OK, we’ll talk but when I get up there we’re going to have words about the track selection…… No, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it…… Uh, you can’t come in right now, I’m busy….. No, no, just go away! No, I do not want to feel your stigmata wounds….. Jesus, Jesus! Piss off!!!!!
(Anyway, in case I die – hopefully when I’m around 78, in the arms of a 26-year-old man due to a gunshot wound to the head inflicted by his 22-year-old girlfriend who catches us – please make sure these are the songs that are played. Thank you. I am in the sane-est mind I’ll ever be, signed – Erin Feeney. *Witnessed by Matthew Schoenfeld*)

Matthew – Ummm, who’s this 26-year-old?
Erin – Don’t worry hun. You’re already dead, women live longer.
Matthew – Oh, that’s OK then. Good for you!
Erin – Thanks dude!

And now, Le Tunes:

One Step Beyond by Madness. (Would really like it if there was at least 3 guys who did the moves too.)

Night Shift by The Commodores. (Would really like it if there was at least 3 guys who did the moves too. *Please see above for Madness)
Embedding wasn’t allowed so just follow this.

If I Should Fall From Grace With God by The Pogues.

Rise by PIL.

Left Of Center by Suzanne Vega.
Embedding wasn’t allowed so just follow this.

Float On by Modest Mouse.
Embedding wasn’t allowed so just follow this.

Forget-Me-Nots by Patrice Rushen.
Embedding wasn’t allowed so just follow this.

Heart Of Gold by Neil Young.
Embedding wasn’t allowed so just follow this.

PunkRocker by The Teddybears feat. Iggy Pop.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pJ-UnkPsHw  – I want THIS guy at my funeral – to loosen you fuckers up a bit!

Dirt by Phish. Audio Only

And for my procession (where they carry you in yer box for a bit, then throw a load of earth all over ya and people cry) – Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog. [note from Matthew: Sorry Erin, the movie version was removed]

So there you have it. Am I a ‘bring-down’ or what?