Got Brass In Pocket

These girls don’t really ‘kick ass and take names’. They don’t have semi-automatic weapons or special powers. They’re regular chicks who overcome extreme obstacles in creative, interesting ways and for that, I salute them. In random order:

Chris Parker – ‘Adventures in Babysitting’ – After her boyfriend cancels on her, Chris decides to make the best of it and earn some easy money babysitting. Mistake! When she and the suburban kids head into the city to rescue Chris’ friend, they get shot at, car jacked, kidnapped, escape, sing the blues in a club and are involved in a gang altercation on a train. Oh and she finds out her no-good boyfriend is cheating on her with some slut that belongs in a ‘Prince’ video. But she comes through with aplomb, keeping her charges safe and gracefully fending off the clumsy advances of the two teenage boys in her care. The parents don’t find out about their little ‘trip’ so she still gets paid. What a gal.

(Legendary Screamin’ Jay Hawkins joins in as – what else – a blues man.)

Coach Molly McGrath – ‘Wildcats’ – The South Central High Wildcats may be the worst football team in Chicago but they REALLY do not want a female coach. So, of course, that’s exactly what they get in Coach McGrath. They torment her until she reaches breaking point and challenges them to a stamina running contest – their co-operation vs. her quitting. Failing to inform them that she ran the Boston Marathon, twice, she outlasts them all and then calls them pussies. They cannot argue with this.

Marion Ravenwood – ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’- Besides being Indy’s one true love (automatic cool points right there), the first time we see Marion, she’s drinking a big, fat Nepalese guy under the table, literally. She then uses this awesome skill later on to get away from Belloq (the French guy) and almost does but is rumbled by that weirdo Nazi bloke with the portable coat hanger. Still, you have to give her props for giving it a go. Marion Ravenwood – NOT a cheap date.

Cher Horowitz – ‘Clueless’ – Any problem is a big problem when it’s your problem, even if you’re a popular, beautiful, rich girl from Beverly Hills. Based on Austen’s ‘Emma’, Cher doesn’t like her grades so she schemes to hook up two teachers so they’ll be happy and stop taking their misery out on her scholastic record. Along the way, she discovers a few truths about herself and others and admits that she’s been a wee bit selfish and judgmental. She also has her own unique morals regarding sex and her virginity, “You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet”. Wisdom, out of the mouths of (Californian) babes.

Helena Ayala – ‘Traffic’ – Alone and 8 months pregnant, Helena takes over her husband’s business, drug trafficking, not with guns; but with lemonade, dolls made from cocaine, guts and common sense. Right or wrong, she’s going to keep her family together if it hair-lips the DEA. When she waddles in to meet with a drug lord and his cronies, on her own, they think they’ve got it all over on her. They find out very soon that they’re very wrong.

Susannah Fincannon Ludlow – ‘Legends of the Fall’ - This woman manages to be engaged to one brother, shag like springtime bunnies with another, marry the 3rd and still come out of that soap opera with an air of dignity and class. Smooooth. A highly impressive feat and worthy of mention on this list.

The Rancho Carne High Cheerleaders – ‘Bring it On’- Yes, I’ve laughed at cheerleaders too but the truth is, the good ones are real athletes; flips, round-offs, basket tosses – these things are bloody dangerous! And while two of the characters are typical ‘bitchy’ girls, the rest of the squad believes in proper sportsman-like behavior and hard work (and the ‘bitches’ come around eventually). There’s a huge trust and understanding between them that I guess HAS to be there if you’re going to let someone throw you in the air and have faith that they will catch you so you don’t break your neck.

Frenchie – ‘Grease’- What a loyal friend. Every new girl in school would be lucky to fall in with kind-hearted Frenchie, peacekeeper of the Pink Ladies. She’ll make your transition from Sydney to LA as painless as she can, even if she isn’t very good at piercing your ears. She’s the only one to get an apology out of Rizzo in the whole film, after Riz throws a milkshake. Then she’ll wipe away your tears and offer comfort when Danny heartlessly fobs you off at the pep rally; “the only guy a girl can count on is her Daddy”. Well said, French. I wish you were real so we could be mates.

Agent Starling – ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ – OK, she has a gun but that’s not what makes her cool. She is the only person able to create an actual rapport with the brilliant sociopath Dr. Lector. By being herself, she gains his respect and trust (and some might say affection, or at least as much as he is capable of). She struggles with her training but doesn’t give up or give in. She’s brave, feminine, clever, forthright, and, when discovering Buffalo Bill, terrified. But she forges on – and the whole time, she’s not even a full FBI agent. You fly back to school, now, little Starling. Fly, fly, fly…

*Miss Moneypenny – The Bond Films – Ahhhh, Moneypenny! She’s the one constant female in 007’s life and therefore, the coolest. While he may be busy sorting out Bad Guys for Her Maj in exotic, far-flung locations, Bond always remembers to bring Moneypenny a souvenir from his travels, though it’s never the diamond ring she says she really wants. Their flirting requires a new definition of the term ‘double entendre’ yet it seems so innocent and playful. I’m not totally convinced that Moneypenny really digs James or if this is just a fun thing to do to break up the monotony of being M’s secretary. I reckon she says these things to all the ‘Double O’s’ that come in and out of her nook at MI6 (Such puns are required by law when talking Bond films). The cheeky vixen.

(*NOTE – I know she’s been absent from the recent ‘Bonds’ and I miss her. Nobody humanizes James like Miss Moneypenny. She should have an all-girl band named after her. ‘Moneypenny’ is an awesome name for a band!)

Thank you to the people who make the videos.